'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
