went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
