meet me or not, i'm out of control
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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