she was so not down for the gang bang
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think people are normalizing furries
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