Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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