but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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