Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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