nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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