Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So squirting runs in the family.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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