he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
