your parents love me but you hate me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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