he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
