now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This baby is an asshole
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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