Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
