ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
