Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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