dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
