I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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