At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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