it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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