and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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