After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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