She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
