..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
