Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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