I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
