Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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