is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
