hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
