I understand Curling. That high.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
