I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
