Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
