I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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