im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
