420 ftw
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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