p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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