Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
