I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
