I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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