I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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