As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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