i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
