I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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