We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
