hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
