Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
