We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
