it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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