i don't like sucking hair
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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