Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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