i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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