i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's rum buckets o'clock
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
