Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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